“Comfort in a Changing World”

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“I don’t like this!” This statement is one that children or youth might use during a heated game, when being asked to correct unwanted behavior or when plans change. For those children and youth who were looking forward to milestones like field days, end of school year celebrations, prom, or graduation, they have reason to believe that life can be sad, frustrating, and difficult.

The question is how do we, as nurturing adults, help young people cope with these emotions and equip them with the skills they need to be caring, connected, and capable adults? Any loss for a child or youth, such as a failing an exam, death of a pet, changes in family structure, or events from a disaster, can lead to a wide variety of feelings such as disappointment, sadness, loneliness, or anger. These feelings are common reactions to such experiences.

As caring adults, we can do the following to help young people cope.

Acknowledge feelings and allow youth to talk about their feelings and concerns. Let youth know that it is okay to be sad, scared or confused. Identifying and naming a feeling can be very helpful in trying to understand and make meaning of a situation.

Be a calm and reassuring presence. Remind youth that over time things will get better.

Help youth form positive coping skills by setting a healthy example of how to manage feelings like grief, anxiety, fear, or sadness. Teach young people that exercising, meditation, writing in a journal, engaging in a favorite hobby like art, cooking, gardening, or sewing are healthy ways to work through disappointment, loss, and grief.

Expressing gratitude for things that make life enjoyable is another way teach positive coping skills.

Create an environment where youth can interact with their peers. Using video conferencing, having telephone conversations, or writing letters are ways of connecting with peers. These connections can be helpful ways to provide emotional support for youth, especially for adolescents.

Simply, listen. If ever youth need adults to listen, it is now. Being able to talk about an experience can support making meaning of a situation which is an important part of grieving. Remember you don’t have to have all the answers. Silence is okay. Youth just need to know you care.

Sometime life can be difficult, unfair, and painful. While adults cannot prevent or change all these experiences, they can play a significant role in helping young people cultivate and practice skills that give them the ability to develop resiliency or the ability to overcome hardship. The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University recommends that adults build supportive adult-child relationships to strengthen a young person’s resiliency. Taking the time to listen and communicate with young people, being a positive example of healthy coping skills, and simply just being a calming reassuring presence are action steps that adults can implement now. As adults, let’s take the time to prepare young people to become caring, connected, and capable adults.

For more information and resources about youth social emotional development in difficult times can be found at https://disaster.unl.edu/families , by contacting your local county Nebraska Extension office or emailing TLC@unl.edu.

DR. MICHELLE KREHBIEL, NEBRASKA EXTENSION 4-H YOUTH DEVELOPMENT, | UNIVERSITY OF NEBRASKA

Peer Reviewed by Linda Reddish, and Lynn DeVries, Early Childhood Extension Educators

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What’s Bugging You?

Young children go through a variety of emotions every day. Sometimes they have problems relating their emotions to their behavior and all adults see… is the challenging behavior that is exhibited!

Take time to talk with your children about what is really bugging them. What has happened to them that is making them feel upset? How does their body feel when this happens?  What can they say to the other person?  How should they react?

We need to explain these feelings to our children and give them simple ideas of how to deal with their emotions. One way to teach this is by using bugs themselves.  Summer is a great time to have a lesson on bugs.  Incorporate bugs into the discussion of emotions too.  First take a large piece of paper and draw a bug right in the middle.  Title the paper with “When something is bugging me, I can say…”

Give the child plenty of ideas on what to say….. This poster can hang in their room, on the refrigerator or anywhere the child spends a lot of time. It is a constant reminder of how the child can start to regulate their own emotions and deal with conflict.

Author: Lisa Poppe, Extension Educator | The Learning Child

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Fun With Shadows

Our friends at Still Playing School have a great idea to use shadows to teach children about their emotions.  This is a great way to play outside in the sun to learn about spatial relations and make shadows. Children can use sidewalk chalk to draw different emotion faces on the shadows. They can also learn about social cues when they move their bodies in different ways to show anger, happiness or sadness. This is a great way to begin the conversation of emotions and what they look like.  Even toddlers can get in on the fun!

Author:  Lisa Poppe, Extension Educator | The Learning Child

Image Source:  Still Playing School

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No More Whining

Whining – it’s got to be the most aggravating thing a child can do. It definitely gets the attention of adults – parents and caregivers alike. And that’s why children whine – to get an adult’s attention!

Toddlers and preschoolers haven’t yet learned words or vocabulary to express their feelings, needs, and wants. But they can vocalize. When a child gets frustrated because they are not being understood by the parent or caregiver, they often resort to whining.

Most often, this age of child doesn’t know they are whining…..it is not a conscious strategy. What they do know is that this behavior usually results in attention from the adult, thus making it a learned behavior that parents and caregivers have actually (although unintentionally) help to reinforce.

How Do You Stop Whining?

Keep in mind that when a toddler or a preschooler begins to whine, it usually indicates that the adult has not focused attention on the child when they are behaving appropriately. To avoid whining, parents and caregivers want to be responsive to the child’s first bid for attention.

Have Patience

As children, then, begin to whine, the most important part of a response from a parent is patience. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that the child is not trying to be irritating, but is asking for attention.

Use “I” Statements

Respond to their whining with “I” statements and the way you would like your child to speak. For instance, “I don’t like it when you whine. If you want your teddy bear, please ask like this….” then model the words and tone of voice you would like the child to use.

Or you can make a game of it! Say “Whining sounds like this…” and model how your child sounded. Then you can say, “Saying it like this sounds better, don’t you think?” Not only have you taught your child another way to ask for things, but you have provided focused attention and maybe laugh together. Please be very careful not to ridicule your child for their behavior.

In the long run, parents and caregivers need to reflect upon the underlying reasons for the whining. Has there been changes in routines, your schedule has become busier, other aspects of your life needing your attention? Children who whine are often sending the message that it is time to re-connect to you.

Lisa Poppe, Extension Educator | The Learning Child

This article was previously published for Nebraska Extension by Lisa as a PDF. It is re-published here with her permission.

Make sure to follow The Learning Child on social media for more research-based early childhood education resources!

  

Enhancing Children’s Emotional Literacy: Tips For Families

Did you know that a child’s social and emotional development is key to school readiness and overall healthy growth and development? As a parent of an infant, toddler or preschooler, you are your child’s first teacher on how to regulate and control their emotions. Young children look to you for guidance on how to respond when they are angry, happy, surprised, frustrated, fearful and so forth. In early childhood education, we refer to this as helping young children to develop emotional literacy.

Emotional literacy is the ability to identify, understand, and express emotions in a healthy way. It is also is the capacity to recognize, label, and understand feelings in oneself and in others.

Emotional literacy in very young children develops as a result of having respectful, caring, supportive relationships with adults. When children have a strong foundation in emotional literacy they tolerate frustration better, engage in less destructive behavior and generally have greater academic achievement.

On the other hand, children who don’t learn to use emotional language have a hard time labeling and understanding their own feelings or accurately identifying how others feel.

How can you help your child develop his or her emotional literacy? One technique is to verbally acknowledge and label emotions expressed by your child. A gentle positive tone of voice communicates to children an understanding and acceptance of whatever emotions they are exhibiting. Check out how the mother assist her child in regulating his emotions:

“Oh Ethan, sweetie, you bumped your head and it hurt. Let me hold you for a few minutes. Aw, it hurt, didn’t it, and made you mad. We will go away from that counter and find something else to play with. Are you feeling better?”

To learn more ways you can help support your child’s emotional literacy, visit our website and The Pyramid Model.

LISA POPPE, EXTENSION EDUCATOR | THE LEARNING CHILD

This article was previously published for Nebraska Extension by Lisa as a PDF. It is re-published here with her permission.

Make sure to follow The Learning Child on social media for more research-based early childhood education resources!